When We are at a Loss for Words
“The smell of despair covered me as I was jolted by the deafening shards of revolting echoes slicing through every inch of my senses. Looking for a way out was nothing more than a frozen display of blurred faces, fragmented colored hues, and unfamiliar scenery. Why can’t I find them, they were just right here next to me? I tried to scream their names but all that came out was a quiet, desperate whisper exerting the little air I had left as I ran towards what seemed to be the only way out of this real life nightmare.”
How can you provide solace to someone who has just experienced something so terrifying and horrific? Where would you even begin in a conversation? These are all very valid and important questions, items in which we all hope to never face in our lifetime. Unfortunately, in our Las Vegas community we have been inflicted by an obscurity of anguish, disdain, disbelief, and melancholy as we gaze upon the strip’s horizon. What was once deemed as the “the sin city that never sleeps” with its dazzling lights and the everlasting beam from the Luxor is now looked upon with despondent despair.
As the day’s progress, people are trying to make sense of a traumatic incident in which has no logical explanation. The infamous bargaining begins, as those who have lost loved ones reconcile in their mind what could have been done, said, or enacted differently to have created an alternative outcome. Questioning of spirituality ensues, the guilt and indignity taints the very essence of one’s core as who wants to overtly concede they are infuriated by their higher power and are questioning their faith not only in humanity but in their religious beliefs as well. Every moment feels surreal as if you were part of a chapter in the Alice in Wonderland series and you’re just waiting to be woken up out of this strange scenario called life. You see things around you happening, people are talking to you and asking a myriad of questions, but you are just not able to be an active participant of it all. At what point does anything make sense, that the world around you become tangible again, and you can exist without wanting to crawl out of your own body not to mention reality?
There is no finite answer to these questions. Every individual processes trauma and grief differently. There is no specific methodology of stages in which someone will go through before being “healed”. Yes, there are generalized areas in which is provided for guidance but by no means does that indicate individuals must follow such stages in order to get through trauma or the grieving process. We are all individuals, coming from vast backgrounds, cultures, familial structures, and experiences. We will utilize these experiences, histories, and knowledge to formulate a personalized journey towards the evolution of healing. With the aloha, empathy, and support of those around us we will have the strength to begin the walk on the path when we are ready.
For those who are a part of a support system, each of you possess an invaluable distinctive gift in which can never be duplicated and by far is worth more than words can ever do it justice. It is the gift of empathy, the human touch, and nurturing. When someone is going through such trauma and pain, no one can be in their shoes to discern exactly what is going on within their state of being. So to share such statements as, “I understand your pain/loss, they are in a better place, at least they are no longer suffering, it will get easier, and they are with God/higher power now”; are all statements in which even though means well does not provide solace. As they say, “The road to hell is paved in good intentions”. Everyone has wonderful intentions especially during times of crisis. What may be comforting for some is quite the opposite for others.
So what would be better to share in these challenging times of hardship? A sincere touch (if the individual is amenable to allowing their personal space being shared for a period of time), being physically present without an exchanging of words (silence can speak volumes), and finally letting them know you will be there. Such simplistic deeds for such a fundamental foundation towards essential healing.
When the initial distress subsides, people will transition towards a recovery pathway. It may not look like what would deem as the ultimate holistic realm of healing but as long as there is ongoing movement away from the sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and disdain of life’s circumstances; no longer are you in the presence of a victim of circumstances but a survivor of one.
